Lebenshilfe

blagdahlia_shreddermag

Das Leben steckt voller Fallen und Unsicherheiten. Immer wieder muß man Hürden überwinden und oft scheint es kein Ein noch Aus zugeben. Für einige besonders schwere Probleme des Alltags konnten wir einen echten Experten gewinnen, uns Tipps für das richtige Vorgehen zu geben. Kein geringerer als Blag Dahlia, der Sänger der Dwarves, gab uns Antworten auf dringliche Fragen, die das Tor für ein einfaches und erfolgreiches Leben bilden:

S: If there’s a girl I really like but she doesn’t even look at me, what can can I do to make her think I’m the coolest guy ever?

BD: Completely change your personality omitting any hint of your actual thoughts, feelings or desires.

S: At a party I call a guy „funkin‘ asshole“. One second too late I realize, that he’s 7 ft tall and heavyweight-boxer. What can I do to save my life?

BD: Explain that he is actually appearing on your new hidden camera reality show, laugh it off and get him a drink. Then run.

S: How do I become a real punk?

BD: Go to prison and get fucked up the ass.

S: Tell us some original Dwarves-Sextricks?

BD: Never perform cunnilingus for any reason. Lie alot.

S: What’s the best excuse when I don’t want to go to work/school in the morning?

BD: Taxoplasmosis.

S: What records should I play on a romantic rendevous?

BD: Johnny Mathis Greatest Hits or God Bless Tiny Tim.

S: There is a big party and everyone is invited – but me, cause I puked on the hostess on last year’s party. How do manage to get in?

BD: Blackmail.

S: My parents force me to go to church every sunday. What can I do to make these 2 hours more entertaining?

BD: Fantasize about the comely young lass two pews down.

S: What can I do to get rich?

BD: Get off the internet.